I burned like 3/4 of my forearm on the oven while I was making chicken and my mom was like “honey put some butter on it it draws the heat out” so she was rubbing a stick of butter on my arm and my stepdad was like “what’s for dinner” as he walked in and saw her slathering my arm in butter and he just slowly backed away
The first time a girl ever took her underwear off in front of me I said, “Golly, it’s just like I seen in the pictures!” in a very 1920’s voice. I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea. She didn’t laugh. I didn’t laugh. That was probably one of the darkest days of my life.
if you were invisible, would you still be able to see with your eyes closed??
THIS FUCKING TEXT POST JUST STARTED THE BIGGEST DEBATE IN MY MATHS CLASS BECAUSE I READ IT OUT LOUD AND WE HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT A) YES YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE IN THEORY BUT B) YOU WOULDN’T BE TO SEE BECAUSE THE LIGHT WOULD PASS THROUGH YOU AND THEREFORE PASS THROUGH YOUR RETINA.
i was cuddling this guy once n he had his head on my chest n just whispered “what did you just think about?” and i went “netflix” becus i was thinkin about netflix and he just went
"oh. your heart sped up and i… ok"
Don’t do this to me tumblr.
I was going to reblog this earlier but I waited so that it could be my 10000th post cos it’s the saddest and most beautiful thing I’ve ever read, absolutely amazing..
so much chills
this is one of those rare text posts that really changes my perspective
i have tears in my eyes
I feel like I got punched in the gut
humans are so cute, when we say goodbye we put our arms around each other and to show we love someone we bring them flowers. we say hello by holding each other’s hand, and sometimes tiny little dewdrops form in our eyes. for pleasure we listen to arrangements of sounds, press our lips together, smoke dried leaves, get drunk off of old fruit. we’re all just little animals, falling in love and having breakfast beneath billions of stars
this is my favorite post
I put the pro in procrastination
when you’re singing really loud while nobody’s around and you’re doin pretty well and then all of a sudden your voice cracks or you hit a note way off key and you just embarrass yourself that’s literally the worst because you’re not even around anyone else you’re just a disgrace to your own ears
HOW DOES POPCORN EVEN DO THAT THING
HERE I SHOW YOU THE THING
this is the most majestic thing i have ever seen in my entire life
it’s like a ballet